Paging all book-lovers!

It’s that time of year when humans pack coolers full of beer and sandwiches and head to the beach with their favorite books. So as not to be outdone by the publications my mamas read, I’m releasing my summer book recommendations today.

Here they are, in order of my favorites, from left to right (your left, that is):

I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats is sheer genius. Talk about poetic license! This collection of beautiful and witty poems is sure to let cat-loving humans know just who is in charge of the relationship.

Now I’ve always known that birds are twisted creatures — anyone whose diet consists of insects and worms would have to be! — but I never knew just how twisted until I read The Mincing Mockingbird Guide to Troubled Birds. Who knew there are some birds out there so perverted that they need “safe words”? These delightfully demented tales of winged debauchery will leave you longing for more.

And finally, there’s Grumpy Cat: A Grumpy Book. This is probably the best-known of the three, although celebrating crankiness is not really my thing. I’m a pretty happy-go-lucky, laid-back, cheerful kind of guy. But it turns out Grumpy was born with a permanent scowl, so I don’t hold the attitude against her. A Grumpy Book is one of those classics, such as War and Peace, that you simply have to read, even though it can be torture at times.

So sit back in your beach chair, crack open a cold one (just don’t let the DEM officers see you!) and enjoy my book suggestions. And please use the portable toilets and trash cans. Even I know that all that sand is not a giant litter box.