Oxbow's World

I don’t care what humans say, sometimes I do my best thinking inside the box. For instance, today I had a profound thought: Given all the years of history, both human and animal, is there even such a thing as an original thought? No matter how clever or insightful we think we might be, chances are that someone, or something, before us has thought the same thing.

This, of course, is a very disturbing thought for a writer like myself. I think I’m going to have to retire to the sofa and sleep on this for a while.

I just wanted to let you know that I’m really enjoying my new TV! The picture is amazing!

I will confess that I lost this round of Squirrel Standoff, but only because I was hungry for breakfast and gave up the contest when I heard Mama G coming down the stairs.

I gotcha next time, Rocky!

The Human says …

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Oxbow says …

Call me crazy, but I’m not a results-oriented kind of guy.

 

I just want to wish the nation’s ER surgeons a happy Fourth of July, as they spend the holiday trying to reattach the digits of beer-fueled backyard fireworks enthusiasts. I’ve never understood why Americans like to celebrate the nation’s independence by freeing themselves from common sense, but humans have always been a curious breed.

Sorry if I sound a bit edgy, but Independence Day is my least-favorite holiday. All I know is that tonight our usually quiet neighborhood will be filled with the sounds of explosions, and I’ll be spending the evening cowering in my safe space in the basement. I’m sure many other cats and dogs share my dislike of it all.

To those of you with common sense and courtesy, I wish you a very happy — and safe — holiday.

 

Do you ever feel nostalgic and start looking through old photos, only to come across an image of yourself that is so utterly horrifying or embarrassing that you want to erase it from memory, or at least the hard drive?

Well I came across this gem the other day, courtesy of Those Two:

It seems they had decided to get me ready for Halloween one year by giving me black nails and a cape. They thought I was adorable, but I think I look like something out of a casting call for a Wes Craven movie! My head looks like a giant, crazed pumpkin that’s about to explode!

Man, I think I’m going to need some therapy …

 

That’s a photo of Mama G this morning, outside on the patio enjoying a steaming cup of coffee in her new Oxbow’s World mug. Just for the record, she was cursing about how hard it is to photograph steam.

You see, Mama G is sort of my PR person. Now when I began this blog, it was simply because I thought I had some pretty good ideas, especially for a cat. It began as a labor of love, done for my own satisfaction. But Mama G, being the capitalistic American human that she is, thought maybe she could turn me into a brand of sorts. I’ve heard her say many a time to Mama C, “This could be the start of something big! Maybe I can quit my day job.” Which is a little weird, because Mama G works nights. I have to say, she’s been a bit confused lately.

Anyway, I don’t really like the idea of being exploited, but on the other hand, if it means that Mama G will be home more often to play with me, I’m all for it!

So is anyone listening? Friskies? Iams? Purina? Anyone? Anyone?

 

It’s that time of year when humans pack coolers full of beer and sandwiches and head to the beach with their favorite books. So as not to be outdone by the publications my mamas read, I’m releasing my summer book recommendations today.

Here they are, in order of my favorites, from left to right (your left, that is):

I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats is sheer genius. Talk about poetic license! This collection of beautiful and witty poems is sure to let cat-loving humans know just who is in charge of the relationship.

Now I’ve always known that birds are twisted creatures — anyone whose diet consists of insects and worms would have to be! — but I never knew just how twisted until I read The Mincing Mockingbird Guide to Troubled Birds. Who knew there are some birds out there so perverted that they need “safe words”? These delightfully demented tales of winged debauchery will leave you longing for more.

And finally, there’s Grumpy Cat: A Grumpy Book. This is probably the best-known of the three, although celebrating crankiness is not really my thing. I’m a pretty happy-go-lucky, laid-back, cheerful kind of guy. But it turns out Grumpy was born with a permanent scowl, so I don’t hold the attitude against her. A Grumpy Book is one of those classics, such as War and Peace, that you simply have to read, even though it can be torture at times.

So sit back in your beach chair, crack open a cold one (just don’t let the DEM officers see you!) and enjoy my book suggestions. And please use the portable toilets and trash cans. Even I know that all that sand is not a giant litter box.

 

 

And now it’s time for another episode of Oxbow says …, in which I give a human saying a flip feline twist.

The Human says …

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

Oxbow says …

If at first you don’t succeed, just walk away and act like you never really wanted it in the first place.

Or in this case, WordPress, since the mainstream media lost its clout years ago. Yes, it turns out there’s nothing like a good rant on social media to help resolve a customer-service complaint.

Yesterday I was here venting about how I had lost my version of cable TV when a bird feeder blew down in a storm. I had been missing my favorite shows for months.

Well what do you know, today I awoke to restored service! Publicizing my plight actually spurred the cable gals into action!

Now if we could just get the siding gals out here to do some power washing.

I’ve had to listen to Those Two rant many a time about their cable company. This usually occurs when a bill arrives, followed by Mama C on the phone for long periods trying to negotiate a new “bundle,” whatever that is, or when Mama G comes home from a long night at work, just wanting to relax with a little mindless TV, only to find that the only thing showing is “No signal.”

Well I can relate to their frustration, because I’ve been without my own version of cable TV for a long time now, and I’m getting pretty fed up with the delay. I used to spend hours sitting at my favorite window, watching such shows as For the Birds or Squirrel Standoff, in which a squirrel and I would go practically eyeball-to-eyeball, me with my jaw chattering, he or she with his or her tail twitching. Usually I would win the final round of this game show, with the squirrel eventually turning tail and running.

My TV was basically just a big tree branch stuck into the ground, with suet or other bird food attached to the top. We’re not talking high-tech here, so when it blew over in a storm, I was expecting service to resume pretty quickly. But months later, I’m still waiting for the cable guy, or should I say cable gals?

What is this, some kind of twisted, six-month service window? C’mon, a guy can only wait so long for his favorite shows. This is just plain nuts! I’m guessing the squirrel would agree.